Reality Check: Part 1 "The Awakening"

Action taken: 
Not responding to text messages, not sending emails. Basically, NO ACTION TAKEN. :)


Result:
More focus on work -- and blogging (sorry boss). A peaceful day.




Cutting off the communication. This was the hardest thing to do in the past. But for some reason, starting yesterday, it felt normal --- didn't need any effort at all. 


Listening to music helped. I've been listening to David Choi's "By My Side" since yesterday.. and I feel so high just listening to it (it's actually playing right now - repeatedly). I would want to sing this one day -- not just sing, but feel (Cheesey?! I know!).. But while listening to it, I guess I realized that I've never been as "crazy" as the song describes... 


Sometimes when I listen to songs (lately, most of the time), I would imagine myself in the situation of the singer (not making music videos, idiot!), feeling/experiencing each and every line.. This is why I love OSTs. Sad to say, I can relate to almost all loser songs you could think of (i.e. "why can't you see, you belong with me"; "should i give up or should i just keep chasing pavements"; "so much for my happy ending"; "i'm starting to see, maybe we're not meant to be"; "someday we'll know, why i wasn't meant for you"; "pangarap lang kita -francis vincent montaner version-").  


But in this particular song, it's blank. I can't see anything - MALAMANG!. 


I just wanna hold you,
I just wanna kiss you,
I just wanna love you all my life.
I normally wouldn't say this,
but I just can't contain it.
I want you here forever,
right here by my side.

http://wongfuproductions.com/2011/07/6728/


I guess it's a good thing I can't imagine him with me in this song. Because somehow, it awakened me. 


Dear ME, you're pathetic. Until when do you plan to be like that?


ME: I know I have been stupid for a long time now. Wasting time, chances and ...tears (omg, this entry is getting more and more cheesey, if I keep going I'm gonna throw up any minute), and I want to stop right now (thank you very much -- spice girls). I won't cling to the past anymore, cause there's just nothing in it. There's also nothing in the present nor future for me and that guy. So I'll just stop -- I want to happy, like REAL happy (I suddenly imagined the PEPSI Pinas clown scene after typing this, lol).


-----------------------
So this is how it all started. I tried different sorts of "operation move on" a long time ago but obviously, I failed in all of them. But this time it felt different. I feel like I can do it, FOR REAL. I want to. I'm going to. And then I'm going to be happy. Completely happy. :)


***** I have a feeling that I'm gonna get sick reading this days from now. But I really feel good right now, I have to write it down. :D